not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
