yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Randomize
