i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
