Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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