Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
