Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
