Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So much Jack, so little girl.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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