I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
