Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
