I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
