i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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