I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
