One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
