i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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