I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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