sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
