I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
