i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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