You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
