People in love make me want to vomit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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