I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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