Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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