nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
