singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
