I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
