Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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