I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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