he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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