It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
