i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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