you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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