Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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