If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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