so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
