I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
