I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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