I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
