Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize