this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION