We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.