a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.