that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME