Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2221) Bad night (597)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  People with herpes should wear stickers.

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  (281): People with herpes should wear stickers. http://tfl.nu/8ji1
  Replies (50) Good night (991) Bad night (3636)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them

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  (603): theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them http://tfl.nu/ul8u
  Replies (81) Good night (4178) Bad night (1601)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"

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  (513): I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair" http://tfl.nu/ia2j
  Replies (21) Good night (722) Bad night (6222)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.

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  (540): She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her. http://tfl.nu/1bms
  Replies (13) Good night (4851) Bad night (1449)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

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  (918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (2441)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?

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  (760): I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts? http://tfl.nu/drjd
  Replies (6) Good night (1123) Bad night (598)
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

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  (310): I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable http://tfl.nu/myt6
  Replies (4) Good night (577) Bad night (991)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"

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  (250): He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too" http://tfl.nu/d99r
  Replies (1) Good night (1497) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.

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  (832): I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too. http://tfl.nu/amfi
  Replies (7) Good night (981) Bad night (346)
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  (477): View more from

  I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me

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  (477): I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me http://tfl.nu/o2l0
  Replies (12) Good night (646) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?

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  (626): Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child? http://tfl.nu/0p9q
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (301)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult

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  (773): On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult http://tfl.nu/j3ws
  Replies (0) Good night (478) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.

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  (732): I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man. http://tfl.nu/tuk8
  Replies (2) Good night (352) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.

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  (317): No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30. http://tfl.nu/14gy
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (245)

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