Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
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We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.