I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
