Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
