so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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