dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
