Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
