I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
