so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
