I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
