haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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