He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper