Texts From Last Night

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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl

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  (504): He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl http://tfl.nu/0j8b
  Replies (15) Good night (929) Bad night (2546)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.

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  (712): I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up. http://tfl.nu/k85m
  Replies (14) Good night (4631) Bad night (1516)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.

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  (404): Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again. http://tfl.nu/0won
  Replies (20) Good night (2766) Bad night (1188)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.

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  (910): so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch. http://tfl.nu/syjm
  Replies (57) Good night (17368) Bad night (1378)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.

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  (406): That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays. http://tfl.nu/wjf7
  Replies (25) Good night (4943) Bad night (998)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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  (850): so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time". http://tfl.nu/gojq
  Replies (62) Good night (1254) Bad night (9214)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.

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  (203): Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that. http://tfl.nu/1tq2
  Replies (39) Good night (3569) Bad night (5665)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.

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  (202): I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out. http://tfl.nu/ga8t
  Replies (3) Good night (4933) Bad night (1058)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

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  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
  Replies (17) Good night (1720) Bad night (3437)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

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  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (5309) Bad night (1270)
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  (+35): View more from

  I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.

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  (+35): I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/jeai
  Replies (7) Good night (2422) Bad night (860)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.

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  (404): It's a bathroom floor kind of morning. http://tfl.nu/13m7
  Replies (5) Good night (2347) Bad night (1153)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"

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  (214): I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy" http://tfl.nu/b3zm
  Replies (3) Good night (1005) Bad night (1018)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.

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  (709): He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes. http://tfl.nu/6yst
  Replies (6) Good night (743) Bad night (879)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS

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  (306): Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS http://tfl.nu/mduw
  Replies (1) Good night (739) Bad night (625)

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