I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
