I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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