A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
