I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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