There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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