yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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