Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
