I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
