Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
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I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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