you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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