her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
