Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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