the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
