first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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