can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
