i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
