4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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