so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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