What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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