Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
