Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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