You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
