Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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