at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
